i know when i was in grade school and also high school, there were times when i was completely non interested in learning, or even just being. i never could really put words to it, but i was also never really prodded to do so. looking back, there was never any reason, no bad home life, no traumatizing events, just something with in me that eventually i was able to overcome, if someone were to ask me what was wrong or why i was behaving that way my answer would be “i just don’t know” because i didn’t. living with nick has brought all those feelings thundering back, i know exactly how tough middle school can be, and i have no idea how he can make it through given the extra drama that goes on in his life. part of me just wants to accept the “I don’t know why” answer to the “why are you doing that in class” question. the other part of me just wants to shake all the bad thoughts and feelings out of him, just to get him to deal with things now instead of later, because if there was one thing i learned from my years of misery, it was much harder to deal with things later. nick turned 12 today and dad got an email from his teachers describing “disturbing” trends in nicks behavior, not that he is distracting the class or being disrespectful, but that he just doesn’t seem to care, which i think is worse, and speaks volumes and i have no idea what to do about it. i cant put a band aid on it, i cannot tell him that going to bed at 8 pm isn’t the worst thing in the world, and i cant make him feel any better by saying happy birthday. is it that priorities are mixed up? is it years of just doing what he felt like doing? i have no idea, but if there is a manual out there, a crash course in how step in and make everything better, i am more than willing to sign up, maybe there is a instant family for dummies book out there, because at this point i feel like a dummy and that may be my only saving grace.
on a little happier note, after the discussion of “what is going on in school” we took nick out bowling for his birthday. i have to brag that i soundly whipped both of them in both games we bowled. this is where my competitive nature comes out, i never talk trash because i am so inconsistent and therefore can never back up my trash talk, but last night i was a bowling pro, and put both nick and kevin in their places! overall a very good birthday for nick, and to top it off he is having a sleep over at his moms this weekend (i think i give her points for that because there is no way in HELL that i would invite many 11 and 12 year old boys into my house to try and “sleep”)
so while nick is away, kevin and i get to go to my parents house and empty my past life out of the eves and the basement. my parents are moving to dirty jeresey. after my dad took an early retirement from pfizer…best thing he ever did, he called some old colleagues from kalamazoo and they came through with a myriad of offers. this is the one he chose. its a great job with a small company that he is really excited about, plus he will be in his home state only half and hour or so from his mom and the rest of the family. of course my dad being the great man that he is, told me last night, that “we wont be that far from you and i certainly hope you don’t feel as if we are abandoning you in connecticut” i almost wanted to cry, i told him i don’t feel that at all and that i am very happy for him. i just dread going through all those boxes that have stayed taped up since moving from kalamazoo… four. years. ago. not to mention all of the notebooks and textbooks from college that i just had to hold on to for god only knows why. should be interesting, and i may make a little money along the way, i do have a superb surround sound system that i haven’t used in months that i am sure i could get some money for. anyone interested?