i have sos…bad

today is bad, i have shiny object syndrome so bad i am not even sure if i have accomplished anything at work. i would start on something and then get distracted by, oh i don’t know the sun, clouds, color of my coffee cup. then i would have to start something else, but then the copier wasn’t working, don’t even ask about the printer that is, i am pretty sure, older than i am (and this is not a history museum people) has decided to go on strike. so i will walk next door, focus on the mail, but oh crap i still need to make copies… OMG is it time to go home yet?!? and what isn’t helping is the screaming little girls both inside the museum with the bubbles and outside in our whale… man they have got lungs! oh and don’t forget the little toddlers who have squeaky shoes… every step is like a dog toy, then you know when they are running away, its humorous but at the same time, very distracting. and its warm outside, nice breeze, a great day to take hobbes for a walk and just get lost. he dose have a little winter weight we need to work off before i take him to the vet, nothing worse then getting the guilt laden you have a fat dog talk from a man you only see maybe once a year. i always have visions of his perfectly fit dogs jumping after sticks in the pond, he probably keeps the fat ones in the back or something. i was just handed a book called “How to Survive a Horror Movie” has some good pointers and is rather well written, includes all the “rules” and what not, but i had to put it down and check my email, because i was supposed to do that early, but i started writing this post instead. it is so friday! i am looking forward to the weekend, we have a championship basketball game tomorrow, nicks team has been undefeated in the town rec league, no competition at all, so hopefully there will be someone to challenge them tomorrow, they are a good team though so that shall be fun. then we get to clean, or have a walk down memory lane, but that shouldn’t take too long, hopefully i wont have sos so bad while going though the boxes (holy crow that could take years) i need to focus on being productive tomorrow…

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am i freaking out…

i have heard that question a few times this week. twice from kevin, once from my sister and countless times in my own head. for the first time in my life, my parents will not be living in the same state. now on the surface that sounds like no big deal, and i have always imagined it that way to begin with. but now there is the reality of it. i was so excited to go away to college (same state) and so excited when i had my first house (same town) then we moved out to ct (same house) and i got restless. when i moved to new london ( and yes now i know that was a bad idea) i felt like finally, i am on my own. that was brief and lets just say as soon as the shit hit the fan with the scary, alcoholic, no personality ex boyfriend, i did what any other self reliant daughter would do… moved home! and i have to add that there was no way i could have accomplished that feat if it weren’t for some very good and very strong friends, whom i just haven’t thanked enough. so after some healing, well lots of that, i was able to move on but only with the premise that i would NEVER move in with someone else unless i was engaged. logically i thought that was a wise move, definitely safe. but then i met kevin, and things were so great and moving in was so the next step, so i conceded the whole ring thing (i have to add it was the best move ever!) now i have a family that i look after, albeit a very non traditional one but still its mine all the same and the parents that have looked after me for so long are now moving on, the safety net is gone. part of me is like OMG start to panic… what to do what to do, and the other part of me, the one that is actually louder is like “calm down, there is no need to worry, you will be just fine.” i know my parents will always be looking out for me, but it is so my time now. so as of three weeks from yesterday, they will be down in jersey and i will be in ct. living my life, with my family and doing my thing (hopefully that will include grad school at trinity…) and there will be no reason to panic and think that if they are not here i do not know what to do. there is still that small percentage of me that needs to cut the cord, and it will happen very,very soon. i know everything will be okay because i have the most amazing person with me now, i am sure he doesn’t realize it, but he is, and every time i think i need to panic or worry myself a new ulcer, i can just look in his eyes and feel his touch and know that everything will be just fine.

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