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Posts Tagged ‘the boy’

domestic goddess…

so not me! now i do have to admit that the meatballs, which i have never made before, turned out really good, i think they may have been even better if they could have marinated in the sauce longer, but we were on a time schedule, nick had practice and homework and and and… after dinner, i dusted and vacuumed, wanted to start my laundry, but someone had their things all down in the laundry room and by that time my motivation had begun to waive. instead i checked my email, looked at my grad school essay for the millionth time and caught up on all the entertainment gossip my little heart could handle. i think i am getting the hang of this whole family thing, and more and more i think that everything happens for a reason. so i have to teach myself to relax and be patient because things will happen, just maybe not on my timetable. for instance engagement which from this point forward will be referred to as the “e” word. a few weekends ago i made some comment about buying the cow when you get the milk for free to kevin. he felt that comment was unfair. my point of view was not to make ultimatums or anything, i just finally really understand that comment. (by the way i do not in any way shape or form endorse calling women cows) he always jokes that by making comments like that, i am pushing things back. but he will always reassure me that we are working towards marriage because that is what he wants and intends and so do i. so that is usually how our conversations go and life goes on. this past weekend, out of the blue, he says “i found your ring on tiffany’s website” out of the blue! my response was where is it? a quizzical “Really” not really knowing where to go from there, few minutes passed and i asked what it looked like, platinum or white gold, and then let it kinda drift away. ever since that conversation I cannot think of anything else. talk about severe shiny object syndrome! i have to talk the butterflies down and focus on something else, humm what to make for dinner, no i will look at my essay one more time.

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am i freaking out…

i have heard that question a few times this week. twice from kevin, once from my sister and countless times in my own head. for the first time in my life, my parents will not be living in the same state. now on the surface that sounds like no big deal, and i have always imagined it that way to begin with. but now there is the reality of it. i was so excited to go away to college (same state) and so excited when i had my first house (same town) then we moved out to ct (same house) and i got restless. when i moved to new london ( and yes now i know that was a bad idea) i felt like finally, i am on my own. that was brief and lets just say as soon as the shit hit the fan with the scary, alcoholic, no personality ex boyfriend, i did what any other self reliant daughter would do… moved home! and i have to add that there was no way i could have accomplished that feat if it weren’t for some very good and very strong friends, whom i just haven’t thanked enough. so after some healing, well lots of that, i was able to move on but only with the premise that i would NEVER move in with someone else unless i was engaged. logically i thought that was a wise move, definitely safe. but then i met kevin, and things were so great and moving in was so the next step, so i conceded the whole ring thing (i have to add it was the best move ever!) now i have a family that i look after, albeit a very non traditional one but still its mine all the same and the parents that have looked after me for so long are now moving on, the safety net is gone. part of me is like OMG start to panic… what to do what to do, and the other part of me, the one that is actually louder is like “calm down, there is no need to worry, you will be just fine.” i know my parents will always be looking out for me, but it is so my time now. so as of three weeks from yesterday, they will be down in jersey and i will be in ct. living my life, with my family and doing my thing (hopefully that will include grad school at trinity…) and there will be no reason to panic and think that if they are not here i do not know what to do. there is still that small percentage of me that needs to cut the cord, and it will happen very,very soon. i know everything will be okay because i have the most amazing person with me now, i am sure he doesn’t realize it, but he is, and every time i think i need to panic or worry myself a new ulcer, i can just look in his eyes and feel his touch and know that everything will be just fine.

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the things i love…

about kevin:

  • the butterflies in my stomach every time he calls, or comes home, or wakes up.
  • the way he runs his fingers through my hair as we watch the history channel.
  • the fact he enjoys the history channel with me!
  • the little tuft of hair that sticks up when he takes his winter hat off,
  • the way he smells… all the time.
  • the way he calls me baby, i never thought i would like that.
  • the way he genuinely wants to take care of me
  • the way he interacts with his son, the one he has spent so much time trying to get full time.
  • his laugh.
  • when he plays his guitar and accomplishes a new chord or song
  • the wrinkles around his eyes when he smiles.
  • the fact he values my opinion.
  • his genorosity
  • paticence
  • the way he has taught me how love should really feel.
  • all of his thoughts of how we will be in years to come,
  • the fact he thinks of the future
  • the way he is protective
  • the way he is with hobbes

Happy Valentines Day!

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