Archive for December, 2007

i am throwing in the towel, its just to exhausting to deny it any longer, i have to come to terms with the fact that i am in deed a mom. certainly not in the conventional way that one becomes a mom and certainly not in the normal way a family comes together, but it has happened just the same. over christmas weekend, the boys and i went to my parents house for dinner and what not, during the afternoon, the boys, my dad, my sister and hobbes all went for a walk to see the cows (Mary and hobbes love the cows!) during the walk nick was talking about school and the field trips that are coming up with mary, and in nicks own train of thought he told mary about how he wanted me to be a chaperone on the trip to the basketball hall of fame, then he continued to tell her how there was a lottery for the chaperones and his teacher told him there were already two going and he insisted that his “mom” get to go on the next trip. his teacher reassured him and he kept reassuring mary that i (aka “mom) would be a chaperone on the next trip. now there are a few key things to this story:

1. he talked to his teacher about me as a mom.

2. he used the “m” word in multiple sentences to my sister and in front of my dad.

3. he never stuttered or thought twice about what he was saying.

so there you have it, its official, i am now at mom capacity. i knew that making breakfast every morning, making sure he got all his homework done, dressed appropriately, to school on time, picked up after school, did more homework, had dinner, brushed teeth, parent teacher conferences, ppts and all that on top of making sure he can fall asleep ( i scratch his back every night) was “mom” type duties, but to hear the actual word come from his mouth is huge and i think that means that i cannot put all the effort into denying it any longer.

so what does this mean now? should i become a certain type of mom? what are the types of moms out there to begin with? is there a manual? and if not who will write one with me, i could title it “Instant Motherhood for Dummies” or “So you really wanted to be a mom?” or ” Everything your Mom Forgot to Tell you…in ten short pages” (because really who has more time than that?) i really think though, the clincher, the one gut feeling that rules out all the rest, the one main thing that makes me not be able to deny being a mom any longer is this one simple longing…nick has been gone for almost two days, and i miss him. i genuinely think the house is too quiet, i wonder if his teeth are brushed, if he can fall asleep, if he is warm enough and having fun. it was great to be just me and kevin for once but i realize now that will only be for small amounts of time because we have evolved to something much more than just a couple, kevin even mentioned after my parents house that they look at me differently, i didn’t see it though, who would have thunk that would have ever happened?

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has anyone been an emotional toilet for no apparent reason? that was me yesterday, i have no idea where the tears came from, but they came and they came hard. after a somewhat heated discussion with kevin, i just couldn’t stop crying, i think i even concerned him a bit, my thoughts were all over the place as were my emotions, but when it was all said and done, i know he loves me more than i can appreciate and i know he means it when he says that i am the best and that he doesn’t deserve me. awww how nice.

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another christmas done…

what a fantastic christmas, spent time with my little family, my sister and parents and kevins family. we are now proud owners of gutiar hero three… i rock…and some wrestling game that i really dont understand. nick has never seen so many things under the tree just for him and i really think he appreciated it. now to start planning for next year.


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Holy BOREDOM Batman!

so its that time of year when there is really no reason to be at work…so here are some more cartoons!!


very funny!




the thought of i think all parents!

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may be DASHED!!! all of our beautiful, icy, crunchy snow is vanishing right before my eyes! i have even heard rumors that it is supposed to be in the 40s this weekend, what kind of christmas is that? do you hear me snow gods?? i want a white christmas, you cannot just dump six inches on us and then make it melt the two days before christmas! not fair! i am putting my foot down!

there now that is out of my system, on a happier note, i just talked to a very good friend from college whom i havent spoken with in forever and it was great! she got a huge kick out of hearing me talk about going to parent teacher confrences and dealing with homework hell every night! which was kinda surprising because i figured she would have at least one child by now, but she said the thought of kids is so far out there right now its not even funny. i could write her a how to book and save it for when her kids finally turn 11. but all in all it was a great conversation and we are planning a get together next september back home in the good old state of michigan! whoo hoo, i am not sure if its the season or if i am really missing everyone right now, but it has been so nice to hear from everyone who has been a part of my life and to top it off two more days till my sister gets here! yeah again! life is good!

so i am really enjoying the baking thing, never thought i would find a niche in the kitchen but i have accomplished the most difficult christmas cookies out there…spritz…the ones my dad would curse in his sleep! they all turned great and go the best with egg nogg, so if anyone was wondering where egg nog comes from…here ya go! Have a happy thursday!


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old weathersfield…


Another great Calvin and Hobbes!


and another clever kid!

but i digress… because i am such a nerd and kevin loves me so much, on one of the coldest days so far, we piled into the car and drove about ten minutes from our apartment to old weathersfield. The place is amazing! not only does it have houses that are amazing gorgeous victorian and huge, they also have over 50 homes that date from before the revolution. and to top it all off they have the house that was used to base the novel The Witch of Blackbird Pond. one of my all time favorites. they have all sorts of great little shops and a really old cemetery, which i am just itching to walk through, and a gorgeous green. i love the history in this area and cannot wait for it to get a bit warmer. i am loving the snow though! this could be my first white christmas in connecticut…very exciting! i am still trying to figure out how to watch that movie though, its my favorite…but there isn’t a lot of time or availability for the tv, i am going to have to do some planning, maybe when my sister comes, which is soon!! YEAH!!

so i just have to say thanks to MOF, he wrote such a nice thing in his blog that i just cannot thank him enough, i dearly miss my old life, but am so excited for my new one!

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This is another one of my favorites! i have always felt that way about meatloaf and spaghetti!

every morning kevin wakes up around 5:15, i will usually wake up groggy like say good morning then roll back over and fall asleep. the past few mornings i have fallen back asleep and had the most vivid dreams, the ones where you wake up still feeling raw emotion and wondering whether or not it really happened. Well this morning was the icing on the cake you might say. after kevin kissed me goodbye, i fell back asleep to a world that i am so not ready to deal with. in this dream my sister was pregnant, not only was she pregnant but she didn’t tell me, i found out from my mom. then i found out she was engaged! then i found out her baby that was 28 weeks along wasn’t forming right but my mom was ok with that because the doctor would take four dollars off the price of the birth (that was the clue that this was a dream) the entire time i was hearing these things i was shouting and balling my eyes out. then i had to go to the top of the empire state building to see my sister and i was the annoying person going through security with a million and one things (including a laundry basket full of crap) all the while still crying over my sister and her not telling me. i think the most disturbing thing is that i was more upset that she got engaged before me. i am so not in a race. so i promptly called mary this morning to double check that she is neither engaged or pregnant and then i apologized for being insanely jealous in my dream. she understood and promised that i would not find out that kind of information weeks after the fact and from my mother. i feel a bit better now. i also told nick about this dream, we tell each other our dreams if they were good or bad and if they were funny, well nick said he had a dream as well and that i was pregnant and engaged, i told him the engaged part would be great, but the pregnancy part would be more of a nightmare. he seems really unsure about changes, i guess he told kevin yesterday not to get engaged, and besides stating the obvious, that there would be no kind of change, kevin just said well i will consult you but it is my decision. all very interesting…


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ahhh my favorite time of year…


Calvin and hobbes is my very favorite cartoon! my dog is even named hobbes, so in honor of all the snow, the fact that i now live with a creative 11 year old boy and that i really have nothing else to do right now, here are my favorite snowman pictures! i have even recreated some of them.

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i have been homesick before, missing places and people familiar to you, but has anyone ever  been worksick? i think i have a case of it, not only the people i used to work with, but the enviroment, the old things, the decorations for this time of year, the smell of wood fires and kerosene lanterns. i really miss it, so i have decided that i have a case of work sick, kinda like homesickness but different!

on a different note, happy birthday to my favorite sister! she is the best and i really miss her, i got her a tool kit for her very first apartment, her boyfriend got her an iphone…its the thought that counts right?

and one more completely different note, i think we have to have the birds and the bees talk tonight, i have been dreading even the thought of talking about sex, partly because when i was growing up it was never, NEVER, discussed with my parents (everything i knew was from riding the bus!) i have no idea how to explain to an 11 year old that it isn’t a bad thing and he shouldn’t feel threatened and that he cannot dictate whether or not it happens, this is certainly uncharted waters for myself!

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Why now?

i do something every morning that i have never consistently done in my life, yet now its almost natural, i dont even think about doing it. every morning i make the bed. it is something that i have never be required to do, its not something we ask nick to do, so i am not setting an example, for the longest time i always thought it was a waste of time, considering i was just going to mess it up 12 hours or so later. so why now? i have lived with people before and never thought to make the bed, but this time it is something that i just do. what is it that makes these little changes in us? and why is it that now i just want to be at home, i always used to feel as if i were missing something if i wasnt out and about, but now i am perfectly content to just stay home. we did go to a christmas i am sorry holiday party last night for my work, and although i like my coworkers and enjoy spending time with them, the best part of the evening was being there with kevin, and having his hand on the small of my back when we would enter a room, i could feel his confidence and he didnt even know any of these people. every once in a while he would kiss my forehead like we were the only ones in the room but everyone can see it, even one of the most jaded people i have ever met asked me about him this morning and could even see me blushing this morning as if i had just started dating kevin, which i think is the best part, i still get butterflies knowing that i can leave work and go home to him. awww the mush!

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