i am throwing in the towel, its just to exhausting to deny it any longer, i have to come to terms with the fact that i am in deed a mom. certainly not in the conventional way that one becomes a mom and certainly not in the normal way a family comes together, but it has happened just the same. over christmas weekend, the boys and i went to my parents house for dinner and what not, during the afternoon, the boys, my dad, my sister and hobbes all went for a walk to see the cows (Mary and hobbes love the cows!) during the walk nick was talking about school and the field trips that are coming up with mary, and in nicks own train of thought he told mary about how he wanted me to be a chaperone on the trip to the basketball hall of fame, then he continued to tell her how there was a lottery for the chaperones and his teacher told him there were already two going and he insisted that his “mom” get to go on the next trip. his teacher reassured him and he kept reassuring mary that i (aka “mom) would be a chaperone on the next trip. now there are a few key things to this story:
1. he talked to his teacher about me as a mom.
2. he used the “m” word in multiple sentences to my sister and in front of my dad.
3. he never stuttered or thought twice about what he was saying.
so there you have it, its official, i am now at mom capacity. i knew that making breakfast every morning, making sure he got all his homework done, dressed appropriately, to school on time, picked up after school, did more homework, had dinner, brushed teeth, parent teacher conferences, ppts and all that on top of making sure he can fall asleep ( i scratch his back every night) was “mom” type duties, but to hear the actual word come from his mouth is huge and i think that means that i cannot put all the effort into denying it any longer.
so what does this mean now? should i become a certain type of mom? what are the types of moms out there to begin with? is there a manual? and if not who will write one with me, i could title it “Instant Motherhood for Dummies” or “So you really wanted to be a mom?” or ” Everything your Mom Forgot to Tell you…in ten short pages” (because really who has more time than that?) i really think though, the clincher, the one gut feeling that rules out all the rest, the one main thing that makes me not be able to deny being a mom any longer is this one simple longing…nick has been gone for almost two days, and i miss him. i genuinely think the house is too quiet, i wonder if his teeth are brushed, if he can fall asleep, if he is warm enough and having fun. it was great to be just me and kevin for once but i realize now that will only be for small amounts of time because we have evolved to something much more than just a couple, kevin even mentioned after my parents house that they look at me differently, i didn’t see it though, who would have thunk that would have ever happened?
Jens World 