the other day…

all week nick has been in a fantastic mood, i mean a mood that i have never seen him in before and one that has been consistently great! always cracking jokes, bounding around, smiling, hugging, just everything a happy kid does. what a great week. i know he has been really working through things and i believe that it is starting to pay off. for instance, the other day (and i have to warn everyone that this does include discussion about bodily functions) nick came into the room and said ” hey dad, you can put your magazines under the sink in the bathroom for your ‘long sessions’ (fingers and all) like i did. in fact i am going to use one of them right now…” exit nick. we both kinda looked at each other, i raised my eyebrow and kevin kinda shouted after nick saying something along the line of thanks buddy but we didn’t need to know that. it was just so funny how proud nick was of himself that he had figured that out…he is well on his way to becoming a model man! after homework was done, we took nick to get the second “Diary of A Wimpy Kid” he has finished the first one in record time and has really enjoyed it. I read the first one last night and let me tell you it is just as appropriate for adults as it is for middle schoolers. i do not know about anyone else my i HATED middle school. when i was driving into work today, i thought “self; man that author is clever, if i were to write about my middle school experience i would have to start with a disclamer stating that the names and places in this work have been changed to protect peoples privacy” is that sad? all i have to say is i am inspired! so watch out lindsey muelman, man even now seeing that name on some obscure blog still makes me worry that somehow, somewhere, she is going to know what i said and come back and make my life miserable again. isn’t it amazing how much clout one person can have on your entire existence. i think my one little funny ha ha to myself, the one thing that has justified all the thoughts that one day she would get what she deserved, is the day that i was moving out of kalamazoo, i had to run to the small grocery store up the street and who rang me up? thats right! none other than lindsey muelman. thats why i believe in karma! ha! take that! hum so where did this rant come from? have no idea but that felt good. happy friday! maybe i will have to write more just to aid in the healing process.

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holy Random thoughts Batman…

-for some reason i have only posted on thursdays, not sure why…

-i never received the memo that people who drove Mercedes did not need to use their turn signals, or were allowed to accelerate and ride the brake at the same time ( how do they do that?)

-i was just introduced to the “chocolate rain” song on youtube from last summer. its weird. but the guy was smart because he got endorsements and came up with this. but the parodies are fricking hilarious. i particularly like the “vanilla snow” version, however the one that made all of us cry in the office was this one…

-there is a draft next to me while i sit here at work and it is starting to get on my nerves, i am cold and do not appreciate it so much. if this were an 100 year old building i may understand…but. its. not.

-i am really excited that a friend of mine from college is moving this weekend to mass. she will be the first mid-westerner to venture out this far, at least any that i went to school with.

-i had a dream about going to a college reunion and all my friends, first: didn’t recognize me and second: treated me like a little kid, what does that mean?

-for other office entertainment, we have a three pound hersheys chocolate heart for anyone who can hack off a piece.

-i really miss my sister and want her to come and visit, i also really miss people in michigan for some reason.

-that damn “chocolate rain” song is now stuck in my head. oh wait, wait, i was listening to “rehab” this morning…ahh its there now.

-so today would be considered a ‘weather breeder’ day, thank you gillian, a old new england term that talks about how this is the calm before the storm basically.

-i had a real live snow day last friday, don’t think that will happen again tomorrow, but thats not bad, as you can see, i find many ways to occupy my time here at work.

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attack of the worry wart…

ahh february break, a week off because well the week of christmas was just not quite enough right, why would we want to have kids in school for a whole entire  month? anywho, this past weekend, nick went with his mom…the beginning of the worry wart in me. first i worry if he will be alright, no scary scarring visits from the crazy man. next i worry if he will shower, brush his teeth, not jump off of anything to high and break a limb standard worries with an 11 year old. then i worry if he can sleep alright, if he is getting enough sleep, if he can fall asleep alright. but the worst worry is that he may come home and be so miserable because he is not with his mom and that he will just have such spite for me and me being here. in no way have i tried to or wanted to replace his mom, i am just jen. i spent all day yesterday worrying myself a new ulcer that it was urgent that i just get home. because not only do i worry about that, i also tend to start over-analyzing everything and developing these terrible scenarios in my head and how would i react to them and what would i do and of course that all snowballs into crap! i cannot even imagine what my blood pressure was yesterday. so as i am driving home, with all the terrible scenarios in my head and to the point of tears, i pulled into the parking lot, first good sign is the boys are home, well they haven’t up and left was my first thought. when i opened the door, nick was sitting on the edge of the futon, waiting, for me! with a huge smile and leap he was in my arms before i could close the door. at that point all the terrible thoughts and feelings and fears were gone, just one little act. god i love that kid. apparently he had been checking the window every five minutes from the time he had gotten home as well, something i found out later. so foolish jen had to put the worry wart away and remind herself that there really is something good here and all the thoughts and fears were really just a waste of time, well maybe not a waste of time but defiantly so not warranted. i think i should learn to worry about real concerns like global warming or something that is at least a little bit more rash. now that i have survived that, its time to watch the lunar eclipse, so cool. oh yeah and i was tagged by hallie with a neat little what are you reading meme, i thought it was cool and i am reading this great book so i thought i would go along, here are the rules: 

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).2. Open the book to page 123.3. Find the fifth sentence.4. Post the next three sentences.5. Tag five people.

so the nearest book that i am reading is called Czars: Russias Rulers for Over One Thousand Years 

by james P Duffy and Vincent L Ricci ( i thought i made it clear i was a history nerd…)

“A stubborn animosity born of centuries of hatred spilled from both sides as they argued first about where the negotiations would take place (the Russians finally prevailed and the meetings were opened in Moscow), then over which side had started the war. After months of stalemate, a Russian ultimatum forced the Lithuanians to submit a declaration of their proposed terms. Moscows delegation listened to the Lithuanian demands and then stormed out of the meeting in anger.” 

 

so i havent gotten to this part of the book, so i checked to see the time line…oh i see this was in 1536…so history really does repeat itself dosent it? and the last thing is to tag five people, well if i get five people to read this…consider yourself tagged and just let me know! 

 

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the things i love…

about kevin:

• the butterflies in my stomach every time he calls, or comes home, or wakes up.
• the way he runs his fingers through my hair as we watch the history channel.
• the fact he enjoys the history channel with me!
• the little tuft of hair that sticks up when he takes his winter hat off,
• the way he smells… all the time.
• the way he calls me baby, i never thought i would like that.
• the way he genuinely wants to take care of me
• the way he interacts with his son, the one he has spent so much time trying to get full time.
• his laugh.
• when he plays his guitar and accomplishes a new chord or song
• the wrinkles around his eyes when he smiles.
• the fact he values my opinion.
• his genorosity
• paticence
• the way he has taught me how love should really feel.
• all of his thoughts of how we will be in years to come,
• the fact he thinks of the future
• the way he is protective
• the way he is with hobbes

Happy Valentines Day!

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two hour delay…

because of all the snow, then the ice and now the rain, i have plenty of time to sit and stew on what to do next. i could shower, or watch the simpsons with nick, or clean the bathroom (really need to get motivated to do that) possibly start some laundry, but really all i want to do is mimic this guy… now he has the right idea! 

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finally the weekend,

ahh friday and the weekend, can you hear the collective sigh in the background, no work, no school no homework! friday afternoon, i picked up nick from school, he was in a good mood, he said that his social studies project went well, we shall see, lets just say that project was not his best effort, but then again the entire week had been trying so that just capped it all! that afternoon, nick went with his mom and kevin took me out to get my valentines day present, now i have never been a big fan of that holiday, but it is beginning to grow on me. we went to the apple store and bought a new mac, with a wireless keyboard and mouse… did i mention wireless?? it is the neatest little thing around so cute and compact yet packs a real punch! i have converted kevin to liking macs, i told him welcome to the dark side! who hoo! saturday we went to nicks game then drove down to new haven to check out a yale art museum, it was so great to walk around campus and just feel the yale brain power seeping out of all the really neat old buildings, we had to cut our gwaking short though because it started to really snow, and really thick so we decided to head back, we rented a movie but things changed when we got home and were not able to watch it, on sunday i picked up k, she seemed in a good mood, rather quiet but i think she is finally accepting where she is now, i guess she was threatening to run away with her boyfriend and get pregnant, because that is the perfect answer to any ones problem. right? right. but other than that we had a lot of fun, now its sunday evening and we are starting to get ready for a new week, hopefully one with much less drama… please oh please. it was nice and quiet a moment ago kinda like this…  and then they started wrestling and then the dog started barking…and had a face like this..  so now i have to be the enforcer and quiet the dog down and heal a charlie horse, because if you mess with the bull you get the horns! 

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oh the frustration…

i have no idea how my parents did it. i certainly was not a perfect child, no one is, but how on earth did they get me to actually care about school and my future is beyond me. my good buddy nick is at it again, let us itemize the problems:

1. Monday-was supposed to bring his social studies folder to school to continue working on his project (due tomorrow) he was supposed to stay after school and work on his website (i use supposed to very loosely) instead, he leaves the folder at home but remembers to pack his new wes welker jersey (which he had worn the previous day and was told not to bring to school) and pack his starbury shoes, which he is only supposed to wear for fun not while he is in gym. his father told him that if he was done with his website to call him and he would pick him up, but no, he didnt call, we still do not know what he did after school for an hour. one word, BUSTED.

2. Tuesday-homework hell and the worst attitude ever.

3. Wednesday-again  was supposed to work on his website, he was not supposed to go to floor hockey or the special bingo thing (as a side note, we knew he went to floor hockey before we picked him up) 3:40pm go to school to pick up one VERY sweaty sixth grader, who obviously did not work on his project (he claims its done) but did what he was not supposed to do again and then tried to lie about it. now i know that i have never worked up a sweat working on a website, maybe they have some new extreme website building now or something.

needless to say the shit hit the fan. lots of yelling lots of crying lots of grounding. kevin and i both feel like idiots because nick is trying to play us for fools. when those seas settled we had a talk, got to the point that nick doesn’t care, we had to try and get him to understand that not caring is not the way to go and we tried our best to point out the correlation between his not caring is directly related to his mother not caring about him. he is carrying around so much anger i am surprised he hasn’t spontaneously combusted (i saw a show about that once) he hates that his mom has chosen, over and over again, the abusive boyfriend rather than her own son. and at that point i do not know what to do, i cant change what his mom does, i cant make the boyfriend disappear, all i can do is listen to a very angry eleven year old and hope that he turns out alright. i cannot tolerate lying and at this point he has absolutely no leg to stand on, i am almost to the point of checking everything over and over, and following him everywhere and that is no way to live. after all that talking and reassuring and not grounding him for years, just a week, we were finally able to have a good family hug and nick was able to tell his mom that he is still mad at her. unfortunately his mom has an amazing ability to lie just as well and belittle all of his feelings, in her world she is doing the best thing for everyone involved by not kicking the boyfriend out, hummm. nick is a great kid and has so much potential and yet is so good at frustrating the hell out of me, dear lord grant me patience. this weekend should be better, he is going to his moms, and the cycle will start all over again, although this time i hope that he can deal with his feelings in a more productive way.

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with out further ado…

here i am holding a real live emmy!

How cool is that?

so that was one of the highlights of my week, the rest of the weekend was great, got to go to a uconn game, which was a lot of fun. almost made me miss being on a college campus. but i have noticed that i have been extremely moody, i thought it had something to do with that terrible monthly thing, that seems to visit me more than once a month but i think its something else. so i said to myself “self, WTF!” then i realized that i haven’t seen the sun for more than five minutes since last fridays great sunrise…hummm that could be an issue, its amazing how rain and darkness, make my bed even more comfortable, i have self diagnosed myself with the blahs! clagon take me away!

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ahh friday…

this moring was a grogeous sunrise, followed by snrain but gorgeous all the same. at work i got to hold a real live emmy award! how cool is that, i told g that she never ceases to amaze me, apperently her husband has won two for his editing work. everyone took turns holding it, yes it is heavy, and giving short “they like, they really like me” speeches. we also played a short six degrees of seperation, i like my link to derek jeeter. today was a half day for nick, would someone please tell me the reason for “legal length” days? so i picked up a very excited nick who got his report card today and did very well. this afternoon, we hung out watching tv and playing with the dog, who didnt like the snrain. we have a basketball game to go to on saturday and the superbowl on sunday, i will finally be able to take k out and about, we havent gone anywhere since november so that will be great!

as i was in the shower this morning, i got to thinking about my family, in particular my grandmother. i am so curious to know if she had a blog what would it be about? the amazing woman has reared eight children, mostly on her own considering my grandfather, as my dad puts it “went crazy” and left her pretty much when life was just starting to get interesting. she is a devout catholic who goes to church all the time and never had her divorce recognized in the church (so funny side note, when my grandfather passed away two years ago, she was all ready to go to the single bars with my sister who was living with her at the time.) she has been through some really crappy things and still came out so great. she had an evil step mom when she was 14, so evil that her brother and her moved out of the house and she married when she was 18 (unfortunately to the “crazy” guy) for a while there her and her brother were living in a boarding house. now those details are a bit sketchy, as they are just coming to light now. she is an amazing, spry 75 year old, who still drives and plays bridge with her friends every wednesday. so i would imagine that her blog would include bridge type things ( really know nothing about bridge) and recipes because whose grandmother is not the best cook ever? although she is so modest that she would just say she is a “simple” cook. whatever! it would also include various knitting patterns and tricks, maybe a few cross stitch references to spice it up, but most of all i think it would just be an inspiring simple read from a woman who has seen so much and done so much. she is just the best!

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