Archive for the ‘dreams’ Category

and then we all float away…

so its raining, and by raining i mean A LOT, and by A LOT i mean the ground is still frozen which makes the water just pool. add to that really high winds and a general feeling of crap and i would have to say that is a great definition for a monday!

this was my last weekend before classes start again and i had grand aspirations of being creative. every once in a while i get the urge to make something. my problem becomes the question of what i want to make. my first thought was “ohh i will paint something.” all those great crafty blogs have found furniture that miraculously becomes a gorgeous piece of furniture with just a few coats of paint. immediately i find obstacles…1) i have no ugly found furniture. 2) i have no space to put the amazingly re-done found furniture. 3) in fact i have no space to actually amazingly re-do a piece of furniture. 4) i have no paint to transform the non-existent found furniture. and then things start to spiral out of control and i find myself just staring at what i do have and thinking that i will never create anything amazingly cool from found furniture ever. EVER.

instead i putz around the apartment, read a magazine, watch whatever the boys are watching and wonder what happened to that creative side of me…

and the last day before my life becomes full of reading, classes and papers, is spent picking up nick from school early because he has a touch of the plague, making some comfort food, and catching up on all the great crafty blogs that turn old silverware into wall art and taunt my hidden creative side…

perhaps i will just construct a boat…

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any and all…

advice would be greatly appreciated. this weekend i purchased my first bridal magazine. i was excited, i love any magazine that is loaded with pictures and the size of a phone book. but then i became a bit disappointed, almost offended. i would like to tell the wedding industrial complex that they cannot pigeon hole every single bride into four distinct categories the all have their very own traits that cannot possibly apply to a different category. i took the “what kind of bride are you?” quiz, and i FAILED. it was multiple choice and none of the answers i could even stretch with reason to try and make it work for me.*


*ok so i wrote that a few weeks ago, i am over trying to fit into a category, but i have also matured more considering i just turned 30 and i have more pressing matters, such as grad school final papers…can you hear the ominous music in the background?

my first paper was due at the end of October. just a brief essay on an article read for class, no problem except i haven’t written anything in years for a grade. well i figured we would get those papers back rather soon, that way i could gauge what i needed to improve upon. no. such. luck. not only have i not gotten that paper back, i am now cursed with dreams about getting bleeding papers back with failing grades and pictures of my professors laughing me out of grad school. rather disturbing if you ask me. so tonight i will try to pull the classic all night-er, pull a paper about culture and comic books in post world war II in a format that i can present tomorrow, and turn in at least a few pages of what the actual paper will include. the saving grace? it can be an outline, wont have to site too much on an abstract, and then i have until december. but hello december is right around the corner. have you started your christmas shopping yet?

so to make myself feel better, heres a cool picture:

img_0282it almost looks like she is floating!

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is it time to freak out yet?

so whenever i start something new i have these crazy dreams of being at school naked, or not knowing where my class is, or not having any of the gagillion assignments done beforehand. i wake up a bit disturbed but relax knowing it was just a dream. NOT. ANYMORE. i have known that my approach to american studies starts next monday, but then i began to think about my weds. night class. hum i thought “self, i do not think all grad classes start next week, probably only missed the monday one because that was on a holiday” since i hadn’t received anything from the professor, or seen it on black board, i thought i hadn’t been signed up for the class, or, well i have no idea what else i thought. so i send a happy little email to my friends in the admissions office, hey am i really signed up for this class? and low and behold i am and i have class tomorrow night! i have no idea what books are needed, whats expected the first night or even where the class is at. i just got my i.d today-and in my defense its not all because i am a huge procrastinator, its because there is serious lack of communication on behalf of the school, lets just consider that i just found out i received my financial aid on FRIDAY and that was after numerous phone calls, emails, faxes, carrier pigeons, or as i like to see it, borderline stalker behavior. who ever said that dreams do come true was really digging but oh so right!

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domestic goddess…

so not me! now i do have to admit that the meatballs, which i have never made before, turned out really good, i think they may have been even better if they could have marinated in the sauce longer, but we were on a time schedule, nick had practice and homework and and and… after dinner, i dusted and vacuumed, wanted to start my laundry, but someone had their things all down in the laundry room and by that time my motivation had begun to waive. instead i checked my email, looked at my grad school essay for the millionth time and caught up on all the entertainment gossip my little heart could handle. i think i am getting the hang of this whole family thing, and more and more i think that everything happens for a reason. so i have to teach myself to relax and be patient because things will happen, just maybe not on my timetable. for instance engagement which from this point forward will be referred to as the “e” word. a few weekends ago i made some comment about buying the cow when you get the milk for free to kevin. he felt that comment was unfair. my point of view was not to make ultimatums or anything, i just finally really understand that comment. (by the way i do not in any way shape or form endorse calling women cows) he always jokes that by making comments like that, i am pushing things back. but he will always reassure me that we are working towards marriage because that is what he wants and intends and so do i. so that is usually how our conversations go and life goes on. this past weekend, out of the blue, he says “i found your ring on tiffany’s website” out of the blue! my response was where is it? a quizzical “Really” not really knowing where to go from there, few minutes passed and i asked what it looked like, platinum or white gold, and then let it kinda drift away. ever since that conversation I cannot think of anything else. talk about severe shiny object syndrome! i have to talk the butterflies down and focus on something else, humm what to make for dinner, no i will look at my essay one more time.

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Hello 2008, one quick question where did 2007 go? in the past 12 very short months i:

  • started a complelty new life
  • moved across state, well lets face it the state is not that big!
  • traveled more than i have since moving out here
  • saw more concerts and baseball games in one year than my entire life
  • watched my sis get her masters in forensic psychology…yup that!
  • learned that i am much stronger than i ever thought i was

i have no complaints, everything is going well, its a learning process but its one that i haven’t had much trouble getting used to. but it was a quick year, maybe too quick, when was that point when school started to go quicker rather than slower, and how old was i when i started feeling like it was just christmas, a month ago? i am not sure, and i am not really sure that i would want to go back to that point, however i am still curious. so for 2008 i have some ideas, i dont really ever make resolutions, i think that causes too much stress and ultimalte feelings of dissapointment when you cannot come through with all of them, so here are my ideas:

  • grow thicker skin (apparently a requirement when dealing with an 11 year old)
  • clean the fuzzy mold from the bathroom on a more consistent bases
  • get into grad school
  • enjoy every day
  • loose ten pounds…just because that is what everyone says!
  • stay in touch more with people whom i love but dont see everyday
  • become a culinary master…(hey ideas dreams…whatever)
  • contemplate becoming a hypermiler…yes i said hypermiler and just to let everyone know about how funny this whole concept is, here is a link to the funniest article i have read in a while, seriously, tears: http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2007/01/king_of_the_hypermilers.html
  • i hope that works, heres another idea, become more savy with the blog…

so really no big plans for 2008, if anyone is wondering, i have been clued in that a certain someone is going to “blindside” me with a certain question. i wont know or see when its coming. however i do know and see the bank account, so something has already been purchased or he is REALLY crafty. so here is too a fab 2008!!

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This is another one of my favorites! i have always felt that way about meatloaf and spaghetti!

every morning kevin wakes up around 5:15, i will usually wake up groggy like say good morning then roll back over and fall asleep. the past few mornings i have fallen back asleep and had the most vivid dreams, the ones where you wake up still feeling raw emotion and wondering whether or not it really happened. Well this morning was the icing on the cake you might say. after kevin kissed me goodbye, i fell back asleep to a world that i am so not ready to deal with. in this dream my sister was pregnant, not only was she pregnant but she didn’t tell me, i found out from my mom. then i found out she was engaged! then i found out her baby that was 28 weeks along wasn’t forming right but my mom was ok with that because the doctor would take four dollars off the price of the birth (that was the clue that this was a dream) the entire time i was hearing these things i was shouting and balling my eyes out. then i had to go to the top of the empire state building to see my sister and i was the annoying person going through security with a million and one things (including a laundry basket full of crap) all the while still crying over my sister and her not telling me. i think the most disturbing thing is that i was more upset that she got engaged before me. i am so not in a race. so i promptly called mary this morning to double check that she is neither engaged or pregnant and then i apologized for being insanely jealous in my dream. she understood and promised that i would not find out that kind of information weeks after the fact and from my mother. i feel a bit better now. i also told nick about this dream, we tell each other our dreams if they were good or bad and if they were funny, well nick said he had a dream as well and that i was pregnant and engaged, i told him the engaged part would be great, but the pregnancy part would be more of a nightmare. he seems really unsure about changes, i guess he told kevin yesterday not to get engaged, and besides stating the obvious, that there would be no kind of change, kevin just said well i will consult you but it is my decision. all very interesting…


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