Archive for the ‘changes’ Category

the end of an era…

Mable the Malibu was generously giving to my by my favorite Grandma. She has lived in North Stonington, New London and Newington. She has taken me home to Michigan for a girls weekend, to Cleveland for a funeral and numerous trips to New Jersey. Our first vacation together with the family in Rhode Island. We spent a week in Little Compton and put on a thousand miles driving back and forth for the baseball championship games, followed by a trip to the air show that resulted in her first flat tire.

She served as my phone charger, ipod charger, closet with wheels,  coin bank, and sports locker.

She took me to my grad classes and faithfully drove through atrocious weather. I cannot remember the last time we had her oil changed and can only explain why she started with divine intervention.

When paddy the Impala came into the picture, she dutifully took us to work and school and practices, never showing signs of jealousy.

She still started this summer even after our newest addition, phat betty. But her age was beginning to show. A rear flat tire showed up just after Christmas, followed by a front flat and the decision was made to send her off to greener pastures…

R.I.P Mable…you did good…

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Happy saturday!


Why can’t all the trees be this pretty?

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the decade post…

i came to the realization today that we are entering a new decade and that made me think about this past decade… of course initially i heard “ten years ago…on a cold dark night…” but those lyrics are really not where i am heading so i am doing my best to force them out of my head, at least for now…

2000-mags and i had a new years party and i remember running out to my 1990 pontiac grand prix (red of course) to see if the computer still worked-we had spent a lot of time hearing about how planes would fall out of the sky and credit debt would be erased because the computers could not handle the extra zeros…alas the car worked fine, the planes did not fall out of the sky and i still had to pay off the credit cards.  then i Graduated from Siena Heights University with a bachelors in History…Had NO idea what that meant.

2001-languished in Adrian Michigan for a bit too long, spent time during holidays in not so happy places. i had a hard time thinking of anything positive. moved home and into my grandmother’s house, which became my own, played slow pitch softball with mags and was on a bowling team, had bear-the crazy dog who eventually ran away from home, was hit by a car, came home and proceeded to lunge at me every time i went to fill the water bowl…not a pretty sight, needless to say bear is no longer with us, it was a very difficult time but everything worked out in the end. had my first pulmonary embolism right before my parents 25th wedding anniversary, NICE timing! thank you aunt ann for staying with me, not being intimidated by bear and calling 911.

2002-kept working with special people, bowled, got sick again, still had no idea what i was doing, a dog found me-hobbes, we just went to look but he sat on my feet and i was DONE. i brought that little puppy home that night, didn’t have the heart to put him in the crate so i put puppy pads on my bed and he slept next to my head…never once making a mess which meant it was a match made in heaven!

2003worked at my girl scout camp, the one i grew up at and rode horses at, and fell in love with all things horse realated…then moved to ct. i don’t remember the whole move, i remember driving out with the dogs in the rented trailblazer and i remember needing to vacuum my couch off before moving it inside, but that would be about it. 

2004-after moving with the family out to ct, had the most amazing ‘fat talk’ ever,then had the third pulmonary embolism. not too much fun but they had me on so much morphine that i REALLY don’t remember it. mary graduated from dayton. I started working at the seaport, worked at the arc with more special people and briefly at the village. had the surgery-thought i would die, became grateful that my sister has a lead foot, spent time with my grandmother when she taught me how to cross stitch and took me to a movie on the hottest day of the year when i had my entire stomach area stitched and patched and tubed and thought that my skin was melting off of my body because we had no air conditioning. grandma fritzen is one amazing person!

2005-traveled A LOT went back to Michigan, went to Disney world. worked in three different departments. met someone who i thought was the one, who swept me off my feet…briefly…

2006-thought i was in bliss, found out it was a lie, realized the importance of good friends and how fast one can move out of an apartment.they helped me move back in with the folks and showed me that i do matter and deserve a place to pick up the pieces. after a bit of time re-thinking who i was, i  took a chance and ended up meeting kevin…

2007-found out more about myself as a person, and found someone who appreciated me, worked  and changed jobs,started a blog,
and dated and enjoyed our time, vacation in rhode island with the family, moved in towards the end of the year and became the insta-family, from girlfriend to some type of mom figure in the blink of an eye, learned the ropes, baseball games, basketball games, student teacher conferences, homework, personal hygiene and loads o laundry…

2008-put up glow in the dark stars, adjusted to life with a life-size Alex Rodriguez fat head, walked a lot with hobbes, more baseball, was accepted to Trinity for grad school. we went on a vacation in washington where kevin asked me to become his wife…became a fiance, then came home to conferences and my first semester in grad school…

2009-second semester of grad school and met some amazing people, people i now count as friends. kevin moved on from one job to a better opportunity, vacation on the beach, dave concerts with my bestest friend, good grades and bad grades and all the ups and downs of living with a teenager, third semester of grad school and i think i have this bit down, over half way done. missing my old life but loving my new one. MARRIED! the one thing that i never thought possible, but now i am a firm believer in anything is possible!

anything is possible and for the first time ever i am looking forward to the next decade…Happy New Year!! ( and no i will not wear a long black veil…)

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where did ocotober go?

seriously? how did almost 31 days just completely pass me by? i have three papers due in the next three weeks, one of which includes an interview of the fabulous mandy. she has been kind enough to talk to me about her collection and has even offered to dust if off for pictures…i am eternally grateful! i am actually really curious to see how my professor reacts to a paper/interview done with someone whom i have never met in real life. for a millisecond i thought it was a bit off, but then realized that no, its not, there is an amazing community of people out there, that i would have never met had it not been for this little blog. that in itself is at least two pages! chinsey? i think not! brink of brilliance? definitely!

the other two projects will be rather easy its just a matter of sitting down and writing things out. this semester it seems the academic gods have smiled on me. gracing me with two fabulous classes, approving my final project (which i was nervous about, my advisor is a thesis stickler-gave me an entire speech about the thesis versus the final project and how the final project is only applicable to people who develope something that is practical in their area of work…well guess what?!? MINE IS!) which means this time next year, i will be a month away from finishing my grad degree…crazy…for something that i said i wanted before i was 35. whoa!

so here is to an event free class this evening, thank you for all the comments and in the weird twisted way the universe works, that poor kid was from where my parents used to live, is the cousin of a friends bridesmaid, and apparently felt so hopeless that there was no way out for him. i can relate, we have all felt that way before, some more extreme than others, but still i have to admit that i never want anyone close to me to fell that desperate and that lost. i will do everything in my power to make that NOT happen…

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the big 3-0…

its coming, this sunday i will see a birthday that i never thought i would see. don’t know why really, i was always convinced that once i turned 18, the world would end…well it didn’t, then i was convinced that as soon as i graduated college, i would cease to exists…again no go! and now i am turning 30. and i am really alright with that. just the past five years have been huge for me so i would like to think back. 

five years ago in early october my parents and i moved from kalamazoo michigan to north stonington connecticut. a bit of a culture shock, but i was in such a bad state i cannot remember the actual move. i wasn’t drugged or anything, but i was certainly out of it and to this day cannot remember a thing. that christmas i got sick…and had to find a new doctor, he asked me if i had ever tried to loose weight. now this i remember like it was yesterday because i broke down in tears and said “do you think i like looking like this? of course!!  i have tried everything!” and i started to list everything from weight watchers to atkins to prescribed medications to some not so prescribed things.

and that’s when the he simply suggested surgery. well that was a no brain-er for me sign me up! my dad was terrified-as i am sure most dads would be and my mom was supportive. but before that could happen i got sick again…in the hospital with another pulmonary embolism…which pushed the surgery back six months. to this day no one can tell me why i got those repeatedly.

well in between getting sick and scheduling the surgery, i got two jobs, one with special people and one at mystic seaport. the special people were great, but the job at mystic really made me realize just how much of a passion i have for history and i finally made up my mind of what i wanted to do for the rest of my life…be surrounded by old things! so now i was going for surgery and wanted my masters.

fast forward to july and i had my surgery, i went from this:
hpim0080         to this:

hpim0416in a little over a year, with major complications and all. but my whole outlook on life has completely changed from then on the things i began to realize seemed to me to be things that i could really accomplish. and now, i am in grad school, have a little family of my own and on my way to getting married. in just five years.

i am really excited to see what will happen in the next five years…i do know now that world is not going to end!!



p.s i have an aunt who is a nun and i always told her if i wasn’t married by the age of 35 (never thought i would get there…) that i would become a nun. sorry aunt rita! i hope that doesn’t count as a lie???

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those were our major purchases this weekend. i have entered the world of pot and pan envy! i loved the sets made by allclad, they were gorgeous and over $600, i think at that price they deserve a gourmet kitchen with racks to display them, i dont think i could possibly cook with them for fear of burning something and then ruining the pan, although is it true that if you spend that much on cookware, it wont burn? i think that should be a clause or a selling point. we ended up with a skillet with emerils name on it made by allclad, the sick thing is, i am really really really excited to cook with it (never thought that would enter my mind) and as a bonus, i can say BAM all the time! that will make my food even better, i am sure! we also got a new fuzzy bath mat and a paper towel holder. when we got home and put everything away and attached the holder, we sat down to have some lunch and i had this overwhelming feeling that this place is finally becoming home. not that it hasnt felt like we dont belong, it just seemed sterile i guess. i mentioned this to kevin and he kinda gave me a quizzical look but understood all the same. when nick came home today, he first noticed the toaster oven, that kevins dad gave us, and then the paper towel holder and made a very similar comment to what i had said the day before, kevin turned to me and said it must be the paper towel holder, it is funny what makes a place feel like home. we also went to guitar center to get a cord thing for kevins guitar, which he can now plug into the computer and use garage band, that is pretty cool! but even cooler is guitar center is right next to DSW and i got these, super cute, so different from anything i have ever worn, peep toe shoes that i want to wear right now, but its too cold!  

so i will have to wait until its a bit warmer, at least 50 because they are just way cute! i had an overwhelming desire to very girly when i was there, i also found a cute pair of black strapy sandals that i will be able to wear more frequently then the really sparkly ones, i had a great pair and i know i wore them the day or so that i  moved but i havent been able to find them, i think perhaps they were thrown away and after shedding many tears over them i have finally been able to move on. so we are starting another week, with great memories of going through mecca i mean DSW, oh and we went to a great concert at UHART, we saw this folk singer, cheryl wheeler. she was very funny and had a great voice and we saw her in a theatre that held maybe 250 people max, very intimate and very good! and she is on itunes if anyone wants to check her out. at first i felt a little intimadated by the crowd, they were all older very educated type people who probably all dove prius’ to the concert and if i looked really close they all had their birks on with wool socks, but as soon as she walked down the aisle up to the stage and started talking, she was just so cool and personable that i didnt mind all the smart people around me, she even talked about a gig she did out in kansas i think and the whole joke of the story was that the rental company only had a hummer available for her to rent and i just couldnt imagine her driving this monstrosity around and of course she had a great way of telling the story, what a great weekend… bring on monday!

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the eves…

when i moved out in august, i told my parents that i would be back to clean out the eves in my room. when we first moved out to ct, i had my own house that the movers packed up and and put in the eves at the new house. for some reason i do not really remember moving to ct, or how anything really got anywhere in the house, so i was convinced that there were many many many boxes hidden behind the door that was purposly hidden behind a dresser. with some apprehension i moved the dresser, grabbed a flashlight and went into the eves and to my surpise… four boxes… that was it! where did everything else go? i have no idea, i guess i did more cleaning than i thought i had. i do still have to go through the basement, but my sister will be home this weekend, so we can tackle that together.  overall a very productive weekend and it being st. patricks day,  my favorite saint day of all, i was fondly remembering the st. patricks days of long ago that included the annual kegs and eggs party and the endless amounts of green beer that mags and i would consume, ahh to be young…

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am i freaking out…

i have heard that question a few times this week. twice from kevin, once from my sister and countless times in my own head. for the first time in my life, my parents will not be living in the same state. now on the surface that sounds like no big deal, and i have always imagined it that way to begin with. but now there is the reality of it. i was so excited to go away to college (same state) and so excited when i had my first house (same town) then we moved out to ct (same house) and i got restless. when i moved to new london ( and yes now i know that was a bad idea) i felt like finally, i am on my own. that was brief and lets just say as soon as the shit hit the fan with the scary, alcoholic, no personality ex boyfriend, i did what any other self reliant daughter would do… moved home! and i have to add that there was no way i could have accomplished that feat if it weren’t for some very good and very strong friends, whom i just haven’t thanked enough. so after some healing, well lots of that, i was able to move on but only with the premise that i would NEVER move in with someone else unless i was engaged. logically i thought that was a wise move, definitely safe. but then i met kevin, and things were so great and moving in was so the next step, so i conceded the whole ring thing (i have to add it was the best move ever!) now i have a family that i look after, albeit a very non traditional one but still its mine all the same and the parents that have looked after me for so long are now moving on, the safety net is gone. part of me is like OMG start to panic… what to do what to do, and the other part of me, the one that is actually louder is like “calm down, there is no need to worry, you will be just fine.” i know my parents will always be looking out for me, but it is so my time now. so as of three weeks from yesterday, they will be down in jersey and i will be in ct. living my life, with my family and doing my thing (hopefully that will include grad school at trinity…) and there will be no reason to panic and think that if they are not here i do not know what to do. there is still that small percentage of me that needs to cut the cord, and it will happen very,very soon. i know everything will be okay because i have the most amazing person with me now, i am sure he doesn’t realize it, but he is, and every time i think i need to panic or worry myself a new ulcer, i can just look in his eyes and feel his touch and know that everything will be just fine.

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i know when i was in grade school and also high school, there were times when i was completely non interested in learning, or even just being. i never could really put words to it, but i was also never really prodded to do so. looking back, there was never any reason, no bad home life, no traumatizing events, just something with in me that eventually i was able to overcome, if someone were to ask me what was wrong or why i was behaving that way my answer would be “i just don’t know” because i didn’t. living with nick has brought all those feelings thundering back, i know exactly how tough middle school can be, and i have no idea how he can make it through given the extra drama that goes on in his life. part of me just wants to accept the “I don’t know why” answer to the “why are you doing that in class” question. the other part of me just wants to shake all the bad thoughts and feelings out of him, just to get him to deal with things now instead of later, because if there was one thing i learned from my years of misery, it was much harder to deal with things later. nick turned 12 today and dad got an email from his teachers describing “disturbing” trends in nicks behavior, not that he is distracting the class or being disrespectful, but that he just doesn’t seem to care, which i think is worse, and speaks volumes and i have no idea what to do about it. i cant put a band aid on it, i cannot tell him that going to bed at 8 pm isn’t the worst thing in the world, and i cant make him feel any better by saying happy birthday. is it that priorities are mixed up? is it years of just doing what he felt like doing? i have no idea, but if there is a manual out there, a crash course in how step in and make everything better, i am more than willing to sign up, maybe there is a instant family for dummies book out there, because at this point i feel like a dummy and that may be my only saving grace.

on a little happier note, after the discussion of “what is going on in school” we took nick out bowling for his birthday. i have to brag that i soundly whipped both of them in both games we bowled. this is where my competitive nature comes out, i never talk trash because i am so inconsistent and therefore can never back up my trash talk, but last night i was a bowling pro, and put both nick and kevin in their places! overall a very good birthday for nick, and to top it off he is having a sleep over at his moms this weekend (i think i give her points for that because there is no way in HELL that i would invite many 11 and 12 year old boys into my house to try and “sleep”)

so while nick is away, kevin and i get to go to my parents house and empty my past life out of the eves and the basement. my parents are moving to dirty jeresey. after my dad took an early retirement from pfizer…best thing he ever did, he called some old colleagues from kalamazoo and they came through with a myriad of offers. this is the one he chose. its a great job with a small company that he is really excited about, plus he will be in his home state only half and hour or so from his mom and the rest of the family. of course my dad being the great man that he is, told me last night, that “we wont be that far from you and i certainly hope you don’t feel as if we are abandoning you in connecticut” i almost wanted to cry, i told him i don’t feel that at all and that i am very happy for him. i just dread going through all those boxes that have stayed taped up since moving from kalamazoo… four. years. ago. not to mention all of the notebooks and textbooks from college that i just had to hold on to for god only knows why. should be interesting, and i may make a little money along the way, i do have a superb surround sound system that i haven’t used in months that i am sure i could get some money for. anyone interested?

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Hello 2008, one quick question where did 2007 go? in the past 12 very short months i:

  • started a complelty new life
  • moved across state, well lets face it the state is not that big!
  • traveled more than i have since moving out here
  • saw more concerts and baseball games in one year than my entire life
  • watched my sis get her masters in forensic psychology…yup that!
  • learned that i am much stronger than i ever thought i was

i have no complaints, everything is going well, its a learning process but its one that i haven’t had much trouble getting used to. but it was a quick year, maybe too quick, when was that point when school started to go quicker rather than slower, and how old was i when i started feeling like it was just christmas, a month ago? i am not sure, and i am not really sure that i would want to go back to that point, however i am still curious. so for 2008 i have some ideas, i dont really ever make resolutions, i think that causes too much stress and ultimalte feelings of dissapointment when you cannot come through with all of them, so here are my ideas:

  • grow thicker skin (apparently a requirement when dealing with an 11 year old)
  • clean the fuzzy mold from the bathroom on a more consistent bases
  • get into grad school
  • enjoy every day
  • loose ten pounds…just because that is what everyone says!
  • stay in touch more with people whom i love but dont see everyday
  • become a culinary master…(hey ideas dreams…whatever)
  • contemplate becoming a hypermiler…yes i said hypermiler and just to let everyone know about how funny this whole concept is, here is a link to the funniest article i have read in a while, seriously, tears: http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2007/01/king_of_the_hypermilers.html
  • i hope that works, heres another idea, become more savy with the blog…

so really no big plans for 2008, if anyone is wondering, i have been clued in that a certain someone is going to “blindside” me with a certain question. i wont know or see when its coming. however i do know and see the bank account, so something has already been purchased or he is REALLY crafty. so here is too a fab 2008!!

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