Archive for January, 2008

enjoy with the thought of c & c music factory playing in the background:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,”I
think I’ll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes

Who was the first person to say “See that chicken
there….I’m gonna eat
the next thing that comes out it’s butt.”

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio
out of coconut, why
can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
time, but don’t
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed if they are
going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They’re both

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
Acme crap, why didn’t
he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?

 Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s
face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take! him on a car ride, he sticks
his head out the

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a

 Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the
hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your….

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little
Star have the same

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Man Arrested On Suspicion Of DUI On Lawnmower

POSTED: 7:22 am EST January 29, 2008
UPDATED: 7:25 am EST January 29, 2008

ADRIAN, Mich. — A man was charged with drunken driving after going through two bottles of wine, cutting through a snowstorm on his lawn mower and riding down the center of the street to reach a liquor store, authorities said.Police found Frank Kozumplik, 49, homeward bound on a John Deere tractor Saturday night, toting four bottles of wine in a paper bag, officials said.He told officers that his wife had taken their car to work, and that the mower was the only way he could reach the store, two miles from home.

His blood alcohol level was 2 1/2 times Michigan’s legal driving limit of 0.08 percent, police told WLEN-FM. They arrested him and confiscated the mower.Kozumplik declined to comment Monday night.

ahh home! and the kicker is that is exactly where i went to college, and we would joke about things like that happening, we would see the occasional john deere driving down the road but maybe the police force has wised up a bit, it has been a few years! i have always gotten a kick out of the emails about “you know you’re from michigan when…” even jeff foxworthy has put together a list of “observations” for example…

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan . so true, and ours was an indoor one!

If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan . i thought everyone did this…

You measure distance in hours. and when you arrive at your destination you are still in michigan!

You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. $3000.00 worth of damage later…

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. why? because all of the pot holes are filled in. duh

You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings). that was the same wedding where the beer came out of plastic jugs.

You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. i was a clown for years because the costume was soo big (another reason why i hate clowns!)

You can identify a southern or eastern accent. of course we don’t have accents.

Down South to you means Ohio . and people in Ohio are different…

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. i think that only happened once,

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. and when we moved to ct, the poor neglected snowblower is hardly used…

You find 0 degrees “a little chilly.” three words to that…shorts and sweatshirt!

You drink pop and bake with soda. why cant people get that?

Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it’s not medicine. and because of Vernors you also know to use your hand as a map to point out where in michigan you are from.

You know what a yooper is. they even have bumperstickers!

You know that UP is a place not a direction. and i almost went to school up there but that damn bridge…

You understand that when visiting Detroit , the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest. and you know that you can turn left on red when there is no on coming traffic…

feeling a little homesick i guess. other than that not much going on, it is official now, kevin went to court yesterday and finalized the custody of nick, he is now primary and all the other legal things that they can say. its something that he has wanted for a very very very long time and i am so very happy for him. not that much will change with nick and his mom but now kevin really feels like a dad. it was just a great day all around!

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the good parents weekend,

friday night we got to my favorite restaruant…chowder pot. ahh yummy food. as we are sitting at dinner over my shrimp scampi, nicks fish and chips and kevins pile of fried stuff, nick pipes up with “you guys are great parents” my heart melted and i think there was a tear in kevins eye. it was complelty unsolicited and there was nothing that he was going to get by saying that (he is still gounded from  the ps3) it was just genuine and that was great. every once in a while we get those little glimpses that prove we are doing the right thing. there are times when nick will ask me a question, then it will come up again later on with his dad and we have the same answer, and those were not covered before hand. its kinda creepy really. as for kevins mystery pain, the doctors still do not know what it is, he had more tests and thankfully its not cancer, kevin tends to have an overactive imagination, so now we have moved into a mind over pain type attitude, it really dosent exsist, right? right. so for the rest of the weekend we are now working on a social studies project on dragons…pretty cool, but i am such a nerd that i have to contain the enthusiasm, its coming along though!

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the essay…

i am starting to put together my application to grad school, surprisingly i am a little bit nervous, the thought occured to me that i may not get accepted…and then what? i have no idea, but i decided that i will deal that if it arises, so my first task is to write an essay, no fewer than 3 pages, about my reasoning for wanting a masters in American Studies and what i plan to do with it….humph, the only thing that i can think of, and this is really the motivation as to getting the masters, is that i want to play with, preserve and present old things. thats all i got, for the life of me i cannot put those thoughts into a coherent, intelligent sounding essay of 1,000 words. i cannot imagine a trustee board looking at an entrance essay to grad school that talks about how cool i think it is to “play” with old things. its almost like a catch phrase, maybe i should go into marketing, but i dont want to, i want to play with old things and research where they came from and why they were important, why oh why does it have to be no less than a 1000 words! argh!

another thing that i am worried about is kevins health, we spent a nice long evening in the emergency room on saturday because he has a pain in his side…after a cat scan and other tests the doctor came out and said, “eh, we don’t really know whats going on, the scan didn’t show anything, you should probably follow up with your regular doctor.” WHAT? what more could he possibly do? and why on earth did we just spend our entire evening…starving…and you have no definitive answer as to why his side hurts? needless to say i do hope that at his appointment tomorrow that he gets a better answer and maybe a magic fix it pill, because if he cant sleep i cant sleep…

p.s: my dove dark chocalate wrapper told me to go to my special place, i think i may take its advice.

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now for the real post…

a couple winters ago a squirrel gave up and froze on the sidewalk, now i feel that they are nothing more than rats with better fur coats, however they are somewhat cute i guess, but the way this one was laid out over a pile of snow with no visible wounds was rather comical and it looked as if it just ran across the street then decided that life was just too much and went kaput. well my good friend hallie, who also found the humor in the carnage found this picture: and it made my day!


Poor little guy!

another great thing that hallie has is this free association thing, and since i am not really working on anything right now, i figured i would do this weeks edition of it as well, Thanks hallie!!

  1. Cluster :not to steal hallies, but the f word following that word is the perfect description for anything dirty, messy, disorganized…
  2. Announcement :engaged…not yet, but i have my suspscions
  3. Respect :work…at earning it!
  4. Incident :report…paperwork that covered my butt working with the special people
  5. Accordion :fold, or a really cool book desing
  6. Drunk : college
  7. If :books, full of “if” questions
  8. Dexter :laboratory…too much cartoon network
  9. Wedding :white, i know the mystery is gone but still i will be wearing white, thats all the thought i have put into that.
  10. Gambling :Mohegan Sun, and the gone fishing slot machine that has paid me lots and lots of money!!

so thanks for all that, makes my groggy brain start to think a little bit. besides the dog barking we had an incident with nick last night, he told us about a little altercation he was in at the beginning of december, so i had to be “parent” and play the pro,con game.

Pro: nick told us about the incident on his own…

Con: it was two months later!!

no more ps3, his idea of punishment for two weeks!

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Just a short letter…

to the crack head upstairs….

Dear Crack Head,

yes you heard me…crack head! dustins mom told us all about your sordid activities the last time you lived in the building. now i am all for giving people second chances and if you have struggled through rehab and are really on the up and up, i give you credit. however, as much of a dog lover that i am, i cannot tolerate your poodle barking. all. night. long! the constant pacing during the other night was tolerable and i am sure nessacarry if you are so paranoid about the cops, or that shady dealer who you shorted last week smashing down your door. heck i would pick the pacing over the barking dog. if you havent noticed, there are families that live here, we all have young kids, jobs, responsiblities…all that require sleep, more than fifteen minutes of it to be precise. now i am not a mean spirited person, i do not like to see people in trouble, however when it comes between me and my sleep and the happy, peacfull sleep of the people around me, i take action. hate to let you know, i was not the only person who called the leasing office about you and by the way they have it in writing as well.

sincerely, sleep deprived downstairs.

p. s. as much as i appreciate scary people with lots of bling, the first time i see one unsavory character, there will be more written complaints…if not visits by the authorities.

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the tree is down…

sheesh it is finally down, and the depression of missing a lovely lighted tree that took up half the living room was not as bad as i thought it would be. although i have been living in that apartment longer than when the tree was up, it still feels like a whole new place. but like i said it is finally down. this weekend kevin had his first barbershop experience. you see my dad sings barbershop music, both in choruses and quartets. he is good, has been doing it my whole life and it was a huge part of growing up. and i am not embarrassed by it. when i was younger i wouldn’t tell my friends, to many looks and judgments and how nerdy could that be jen, but as i grew older and realized that all those people involved were fun honest people, i began to become proud of the singing and even more proud of my dads participation from singing to directing to judging and being district vice presidents. its cool and we have fun (my sister and i just recently had a huge discussion about how we brag now about our dad and his singing) on Saturday night we went to the Manchester silk city chorus’ show and saw a great comedy quartet, and awesome college quartet and past international champions. all very good, and i sat next to kevin and basked in the idea that i have finally found someone who appreciates barbershop music. he never once judged, rolled his eyes, he just sat and enjoyed. i used to dream when i sat at all the concerts and competitions that one day i would have someone there with just me, i used to envision this person singing with my dad and becoming champions (kinda lofty i know! hey i was young) it was really just a great night! of course it was ended short when we got a call from nicks mom, she was in crisis because of the crazy boyfriend and had to bring nick home way early, i give her points for just having enough common sense to bring him home, she knows that if the crazy boy comes anywhere nick she will not see nick again…touchy situation yet all in all interesting to say the least.

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we told him it stinks and threw it away…not as devastating as i had first thought it would be and now we (kevin and i) can at least breath a little easier knowing our apartment will not smell like old man on an 11 year old! Happy FRIDAY!!!!

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i hate axe spray. not even in small doses does it smell good and the whole idea that it “attracts” women is completely off! Nick on the other hand, LOVES IT! he is convinced that not only does he smell good, but the girls will come running. i do not have the heart to tell him that if he smells like an old man, and the girls can taste him coming before they see him, will make them run…but in the opposite direction. i find it fascinating that commercials have such an impact on life in general, but then again that just means that someone in the marketing department is doing their job, because my 11 year old truly believes that if he bathes himself in that stinky aerosol, old man smelling, bad tasting “Vice” spray that he will have all the ladies. i remember once when a school trip at my old job had axe spray down below and set off the fire alarms! what does that tell you about the spray? i think i am going to have to re phrase how i tell him that girls really don’t like when guys smell that strongly, or the spray may mysteriously disappear…

so after that rant, i was reading Hallies blog and found her free association thing and wanted to try it, mind you my mind is still cloudy from the spray…but i will do my best.

  1. Mist :: body spray
  2. Eating :: bad habit
  3. Beacon :: headlight
  4. Speaker :: boring
  5. Episodes :: britney spears
  6. Conference :: speaker phones
  7. Sneak attack :: weather
  8. Medic :: ex boyfriend
  9. Web :: information
  10. 2008 :: endless possibilities

and thats all i got, my office is incredibly stuffy and my concentration is waning…time for a nap!

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i still have to take the christmas tree down, i know christmas is over but i have yet to take the tree down, maybe when the boys are away this afternoon, i will start with the decorations, yeah that sounds like a good plan. i had a fifth grade teacher tell me the meaning behind the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side” and every once in a while i have to remind myself of that. you see, someone in my office just got engaged. i cannot quite pinpoint my exact feelings about this, at first i thought it was jealously, she hasnt even been dating for a year. but i dont think it is that. this person is rather snarky and i do not really even like her very much, dont get me wrong i said congrats and all that and have been almost as excited as everyone else in the office, but still. the other thing that i think is off is that when you see the couple together, they do not look happy. and that is something i just do not understand. but i guess she is in her thirties and still lives with her parents maybe she is just in a rush. i guess she was proposed to on saturday and by monday she has the church and the reception place already booked (since i have no wedding gene i am not sure if that is fast or the norm) so i have to thank Mrs. Hoffman for teaching me that valuable lesson in fifth grade that grass does seem greener on the other side.

and just like that i feel better, not to mention the great little email i just got from kevin…all butterflies!!

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